I read this article in the Observer magazine this weekend about a single dad and life with his son. About the time he gets with his son and the time away. The time when his son's mother has access. And how he feels about not knowing the full picture anymore and how that shared parent knowledge is lost when you separate. It's how I've been feeling. Like the only thing I want to do is to see my children all the time but that is just not possible - "does not compute" sort of thing - and my head fills with emotion and wants to bust.
My ex-wife said way back that we'd end up being friends after the separation dust settled. We've ended up loathing each other. Maybe there is a 'loathing' stage on route to friendship. Is there? It doesn't feel like it. It feels like the loathing stage will turn into silence. The silence that follows a conversation about dates/times/when/where.
I keep thinking that through all this separation noise the kids must not feel the fallout. I'm sure she feels like this too but it doesnt seem this way.